The Newness

Newborn Photography

Recently, one of my best childhood friends added her second sweet baby girl to her family. I offered to load up my gear and come for a visit. As I carted all of my stuff into her home, I realized I was smack dab in the (very familiar) newness of it all. She was in a mid nursing session of a brand new baby who eats every .00034 seconds all while trying to entertain her toddler. I almost felt guilty barging in on her during this time of figuring it all out. It really took me back to when I brought my second home. You. Are. Just. Trying. To. Survive.

Survival Mode

Sleep? What’s that? As mothers we can seriously run the world on little-to-no sleep. I still haven’t quite figured out how we manage that other than understanding that we have no other choice. No one’s coming by daily to let you take a nap that’s for sure. So when I saw my sweet friend in her comfy clothes, with a body still recovering, baby latched, and a toddler playing, what I really saw was the type of tired only a mother understands.

Deprivation

Whether I wanted it to or not, visiting really sent me into a reminiscent state, both good and bad. There’s absolutely nothing like holding your brand new little love. The smell is certainly intoxicating. But in the midst of all that goodness, is your own body that seemingly doesn’t look, feel, or act like your body. It doesn’t work in the way it once did. You need help sitting up, standing up (and down), lifting, showering, and every little thing you could do by yourself prior to housing that beautiful babe. Gosh those days are rough. There’s schedules you make only to be broken. Dinner you make, only to eat it cold. Looking at the clock and dreading the next feeding time, and then looking at the clock again and dreading “bedtime” because you know it’s not really bedtime for you. You are deprived in every aspect of the word.

HELP HER!

For the love of all things Holy, help the new mom (whether it be her first, second, 5th, 10th child, I don’t care). Do not make her ask you, because I speak from my own experience, she will NEVER ask you. She can rule the world remember? All while not sleeping at that. She will continue to fight through the fog to complete as many daily tasks as her body and mind will allow. She will search to the depths of her soul to make sure her family and household chores are taken care of. That momma will use every ounce of the energy she has left to meet the needs of all others before her own. She will forget to fuel her body because she’s busy feeding everyone else. She will attempt to serve others from an entirely empty vessel.

So how can you help? So glad you asked.

Just a few ideas:

Make and take her a meal (or 3)
Pick up/clean her home
Do the dishes/laundry
Take her other children outside to play
Remind her to take a shower
Let her talk through her feelings!

So here’s the thing. I applaud you for taking the initiative to help a momma out. But can you continue to do it on occasion throughout the first 6 months, or year even? This is not a “I volunteered once and now I’m done” type of thing. While things do tend to develop into a routine, it certainly doesn’t mean a mom doesn’t appreciate a meal, a maid, a toddler entertainer, a BREAK every now and then.

Let her Speak

Oh, this is so important. I think often I felt stuck in my own head. Constantly telling myself tomorrow would be better. Postpartum is riding some wild waves at times. Having a support system is imperative. Especially friends and family that will recognize you need help even if you aren’t verbalizing that (because she will NEVER ask, remember?) Just offer to come over. Not to hold the baby, unless she asks you to. Simply offer her a listening ear, because the healing that occurs through talking is pretty amazing. —> scroll just a little for props to some amazing local groups at the end of this post!

On Facebook: OneMotherhood Birth Circle and Muskingum County Breastfeeding Moms.

I have personally been a part of both of these groups for a few years respectively. Being able to talk and listen to other mommas that are going through similar experiences as you is one of the best things I did for my soul.

It’s Hard

Figuring out how to do life with little people that need you every single second of the day is the hardest, most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I will be the first to admit that I struggle on the daily. I have no schedule, life is a whirlwind, some days I feel like superwoman, and somedays I wish I could run away (to the beach). We feel a great desire to get some “me” time, only to rush back home because we miss our kids so much. We crave a clean home, but know that time is fleeting and they will leave the nest someday. I honestly hate the phrase “enjoy every moment, they grow up so fast”. Because let’s be real here. You can’t possibly enjoy every dang moment. Motherhood is hard. Enjoy what you can, and just try to survive the not so good moments. Your kids will love you through it all, and they see you as the most perfect momma even in your darkest days.